It Was Never an Extension of “Discipline”
In recent years, revisions to Japan’s Child Abuse Prevention Act have completely prohibited corporal punishment disguised as discipline.
Every time a heartbreaking child abuse death makes the news, TV commentators put on solemn faces and conclude with something like this:
“I’m a parent myself, and raising children is incredibly hard. Let’s make sure no one has to do it alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
“When pushed to the breaking point, anyone could become abusive. It could happen to any of us.”
At first glance, these words seem considerate toward struggling parents.
But for those who survived the hell of abuse, these statements leave an inescapable sense of wrongness — or even visceral rejection.
“Was what happened to me really something that ‘could happen to anyone’?”
“Was my parent simply a little overwhelmed?”
If abuse is merely “an extension of normal parenting,” then the parent who hurt you was just a “normal parent” too.
And if a “normal parent” was driven that far, then maybe it was because of you — the difficult, high-maintenance child.
And so, once again, you fall into the maze of self-blame.
Today, let’s clear up that misconception.
Let us state this plainly:
“True abuse” does not exist on the same continuum as normal parenting.
Between the two lies not a gradient, but a decisive rupture — an unbridgeable wall.
This article draws a clear, objective line between what the world often confuses: “a normal parent’s mistake” and “abuse.”
By the end, you will understand — not just intellectually, but in your gut — that what you endured was not “discipline,” not “tough love,” and certainly not “a well-meaning parent’s error.”
It was something else entirely. Something fundamentally different.
Chapter 1: What Is a “Normal Parent’s Mistake”?
Let us define this without hesitation.
The following behaviors, this blog states clearly, do not constitute “abuse” in its essential meaning:
- Slapping a child’s cheek or pushing them in a moment of anger
- Yelling or screaming out of frustration
- Saying hurtful things like “You’re the older one, act like it” or “Even your little brother can do this”
- Threatening “No dinner tonight!” and sending the child to their room
Yes, these are inappropriate behaviors that hurt a child’s heart.
However, these are acts “calibrated to the fact that the other person is a child.” In other words, they have limits.
When a normal parent “loses it,” there is always a stopping point. Not by rational decision, but because something inside them — a reflex almost like a physical sensation — says “this is as far as I can go.”
That stopping point exists because the parent possesses “empathy” — the ability to feel the child’s pain as their own.
Think back to your own experience.
After what your parent did, did you ever see them show remorse? Were there moments of repair — an apology, a hug, an attempt to make things right?
If your answer is no —
Then what you experienced was not a “mistake.” It was something else entirely.
| Comparison | Normal Parent’s “Mistake” | “True Abuse” |
|---|---|---|
| Nature of the act | Emotional outburst / temporary loss of control | Continuous, persistent, intentional |
| Remorse / self-blame | Present (“I shouldn’t have done that”) | Absent (no hesitation whatsoever) |
| Repair behavior | Present (apology, care, embrace) | Absent |
| Content of the act | Minor (slapping, yelling) | Targeting vital areas, using weapons, life-threatening |
| Empathy | Can sense the child’s pain and stop | Cannot sense it — or enjoys it |
| Impact on the child | Hurt, shaken trust | Fundamental denial of their existence |
Chapter 2: “True Abuse”
“True abuse” is clearly in a different category from the “losing your temper” scenarios described above.
It is continuous, relentless, and above all — abnormal.
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